BLAST OFF from the Past: Kevin Cheatdick

Note:  There is no exaggeration to this story (other than his name being protected). It is absolutely - the way it all went down...

In Jan 2010 I was emailing a guy from JDate.  We had a lot in common.  We were both from the East Coast, families both moved out here, shared many of the same interests, connected on several levels, etc.  I was with my friend Christine for brunch on the day that me and "Kevin Cheatdick" were supposed to meet.  I was very excited about this particular date and Christine and I were joking about me marrying this guy. 

Kevin and I met out at a nice restaurant for dinner.  We were there for hours and closed the restaurant down.  I remember nice things that he said to me, which made me feel special.  At the end of the date, we said goodbye, and I called my mom on the way home and told her that "I just had a date with the guy I was going to marry."  Kevin and I dated for about 5-6 weeks or so.  He put effort into every date to make them perfect.  He texted me sweet things at night such as “Ciao Bella” and I soaked up every letter. On our second date we went for dinner and we had a surprise appointment after dinner but we talked so much that we missed our appointment (I did not know what this appointment was). On our third date, Kevin had us booked (a surprise) for Asian foot massages after dinner.  I never had one before and I felt like I was on the Bachelorette.   On our fourth date, Kevin cooked us dinner.  Everything was perfect from the appetizer to the bread, etc.  He kicked me out by midnight with a sweet kiss.  He didn’t want to jump into things because he “really liked me.”  He had a very nice house and he impressed me with his several cars, many pair of designer jeans, designer workout clothes, and a membership to about 20 wine clubs.  He owned a company/patent/product that many of you probably use today and is quite successful. I told my friends about him and they thought his conversations about the “varietals of the grape” and his "several cars" and "show dog" were pompous and they couldn’t believe that I was into this guy.  Well…I was.   After a couple of more dates, Kevin fell off the face of the earth.  I never knew what really happened but all he said was he wasn’t ready and he was in the middle of selling his company, etc.  I was hurt, but just let it go and if it was meant to be, he would come back. He told me he would contact me in about a week but never did.

In Sept/Oct 2010, I went on vacation to Italy.  I tasted different “varietals of the grape” en Italia.  I thought I’d impress him with my trip to Italy and wine tastings so I emailed him to let him know and also see what’s up in his life.  That same week I met Ricardo and by the time Kevin wrote back, I was several weeks into dating Ricardo (seeing him every night) and did not want to ruin what seemed like a good thing -- so I did not pursue Kevin.  I did tell Kevin that I was in a relationship (I don’t remember when exactly I told him, but I did).  Kevin texted to check in a few times over the year and I continued to tell him that I was unavailable.  I never met up with him but after each text, I felt like I was keeping a huge secret from Ricardo -- even if I did not reply.  So – I was always honest with Ricardo and then I always felt better.  Ricardo hated it.  He hated that he was in love with me and then some “douche” (as Ricardo puts it) texted me and I acted all weird.  Ricardo thought he was second choice.  I felt bad about that.  He never understood that I was actually choosing him by not replying or by telling Kevin that I am unavailable. I did not want to leave him for Kevin and Ricardo actually was first choice. I just had to deal with the blast from the past popping up.

In April 2011, I was in between houses and I stayed with Ricardo for a month in his 600ish square foot bungalow.  There were his things, my things, us, and Pappy.  A tight squeeze.  I called it the “mouse house” because that is what it looked like and I never realized that I made Ricardo feel bad every time I said it.  I feel sorry for that now.  Ricardo had to go to away for a day and I stayed alone in his place.  Of course it happened to be the one day that it poured in our typical Sunny environment, and his roof had a huge hole in it.  I was freezing and alone in this tiny place with rain dripping in.    Ironically (I think I'm using this right), Kevin texts me to tell me that he just bought a house in …I don’t want to give away any identifying information…the most expensive zip code in the US.   That did not help the way that I felt in the mouse house and my thoughts about financial security moving forward.  All I did was text back to say "congrats."  Nothing more, nothing less. I knew that Ricardo was a great person and I continued to wait for stability.  

Kevin soon met someone so the texts to me finally became more and more rare and I was happy that we can both move on with our lives.  I recently texted Kevin to see if he knew Old Balls (see suitor #22 ) since there might be reasons that they would know each other.  Kevin didn't know him, but of course he called me to catch me up on his recent engagement and that his fiancé moved in with him.  Since she was away for the weekend, he asked me if I’d like him to come over but I would need to understand that it would be “no strings attached.”  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  He told me he is so in love with his fiancé and they will be married within a few months so now is our chance.  I did not let that happen.  We hung up and he proceeds to send me inappropriate texts of what he would like to come over and do.  The next morning he sends me a good morning text with this picture:

Actual size

I could not believe my eyes.  I asked him to send me proof that this was him and he did.  I called him and asked him WTF he was doing?  What would his fiancé say?  He said "if she knew, she would call everything off."  I couldn’t believe what he was putting into text messages – I could be psycho and print the whole thing and send it to her.  Again, my narcissist believes that it is only me he is doing this with (as he claims)…but…yeah…right.  He also said that it is a “look but don’t touch thing” before he gets married.  So, I told him “if that is there arrangement, he should come over and we could strip for each other but no touching allowed.”  He asked me to delete the text and please not show it to anyone.  I agreed ;)

Pig, Pig, Pig!

Suitor 22: Old Balls. 10/17

I agreed to go out with someone 44.  I thought that was going to be a little bit old for me.  I was pleasantly surprised.  He was very good looking.  Smart. Successful. and Goofy.  The perfect combination for me.  We stayed at dinner for 3 hours.  However...his divorce is not final yet.  He texted me when he got home that he hopes to see me soon.  It has been about 4 days and no word.  We will see what happens with this one and if he is ready......Stay tuned.....

Suitor 21: Just Eat It!. 10/13

This guy and I emailed a few years ago when we were both on the dating site but never ended up meeting.  Neither one of us remembered why.  We gave it a go this time around.  He is a nice guy.  We'll see what happens.  We went out twice so far.  There are no laughs but he is "nice."

However, I love going out to various restaurants and all ethnic foods.  He is "meat and potatoes" and that is it.  Sent his meat back 3 times because it was too "pink."  Not sure if this is going to work.  What do I do?!?

Suitors 16-20: No Cigars.....Through 10/2

Suitor 16: Bike Rider.  This guys works as a PI for the DEA, which was really cool.  He also gets sponsored for bike racing (not motorcycles...just bikes).  Nice guy....not a match.

Suitor 17: Red.  This guy looks like he was the little red head freckled kid.  Not so much anymore but you can tell he was.  He laughed too hard at everything, sweated WAY too much.  Not a match.

Suitor 18: Militant.  Very good looking, military engineer.  Nice guy but personality was serious and militant.  Not a match.

Suitor 19.  Pig Vomit.  Ever see the Howard Stern movie?  Well he reminded me of pig vomit.  I was in and out of Mexican dinner in 55 minutes.  Why he thought I was interested...who knows.

Suitor 20.  Text Chemistry.  This guy and I had great text chemistry. But - after meeting him, at the table, I kept asking myself if I'd want to kiss him.  I wasn't into it.  He sends me several texts after dinner on how pretty I am, how he had a great time, etc etc.  When he asks me out again, I replied that "you are cute and nice but I did not feel chemistry."  He then sends me another text that "yeah, we are not a match."  Huh?!?  I think he is trying to save face...

Next..........

Suitor #15: VIP. Sept 28

This guy emails me with his one and only "Very Interested Person" email of the week.  He seemed nice and his email to me was very specific to me and complimentary.  We went out for dinner and had a nice time.  No jitters, ok looking, but a nice guy.

I get a text from him the next day "how happy he is that he met me, I'm easy to talk to, and sexy as hell."  Calls me during the week and sets up a second date for dinner and a comedy club that is an  hour away.  YIKES!  That is a lot of time for a second date.  But - we go....

He started asking me about religion and when I told him about my religion and my own views on organized religion, he started asking me questions like: "So, you don't celebrate Christmas or go to church?  You don't believe in Heaven or Hell?"  This one is not going to be a match.

It was a long drive home from the hour away Comedy Club but we held the conversation.  He didn't walk me in and we said goodbye and hugged.

Next..........

Suitor #14: Lucky Charm. Sept 14

This guy added me to his "match.com favorite profiles."  His profile wasn't bad.  He asked a question in there...if you were a cereal, which would you be.  So - I emailed him.  Here is our first communication.

My email to him:
I'd be your lucky charm, baby ;)

How cheesy am I! I just had to write that after I read your profile.... HA!

Have a nice weekend ;)


His response:

Lucky Charms? Hmmmm I just realized I have never had Lucky Charms! I think you have just answered the question of why I am single? I have been eating the wrong cereal all along! I am going to have to "pick up" a box. Are you...ahem...they, magically delicious?

Just add milk,

xxx

P.S. I hope you picked up on the metaphors.


I wrote back:

xxx -- O....M....G..... I'm speechless and that does not happen often. Not sure if I should respond with a, "that's what she said," or are you being a match.com perv? but maybe I need to get to know you first to figure that one out ;) -xxx

We go on a date.  It was fine.  Neither here nor there.  He is definitely a good looking guy.  Not sure if we have much in common and no serious connection but it was pleasant.  He walks me to my car, puts his arms around me, gives me a peck on the lips.  He sends me a few more texts but does not ask me out again.  A month goes by and our texting stops...then out of nowhere, randomly starts again. 

Next.....

Suitor #13: Naked Guy. Sept 8

"They" say....always meet in a public place, never go back to a guys place until you know them, and trust your gut.  Well....who is the "they" anyway.  Let's count the red flags that I missed (let's just say ignored) with this guy.

I receive an email from a very good looking guy, with a graduate degree, was in the military, does well for himself, early 40s.  His profile says that his "divorce is not final."  RED FLAG 1.

I returned his email and told him that "I'm 35 and I'm very much looking to meet the right person.  You seem like a great catch but I'm not sure if you are ready since your divorce is not final.  Best of luck."  He emailed back and said that "there is no chance of reconciliation and he enjoys being in a relationship and being married and hopes to find the right one."  Well - I know many people who have been married twice before I've been married once, so I thought...what the heck.

He starts texting me beautiful pictures of the sunset and pictures of his two young daughters when they were making sushi one night.  How cute.  So - we agree to go on a date.

He suggested meeting at a wine bar down the block from his house.  RED FLAG 2.  He should be driving to me.  But - what the heck - it is only 10-15 mins away.  He texts me and asks me if I want to start off with a cocktail at his place before we go to the wine bar.  RED FLAG 3.  I said - let's just meet there.  On my way there, he texts and says parking is really bad and I should park at his place and we can walk.  RED FLAG 4.  I found parking without a problem across the street.

We greet each other and all I can say is this guy is HOT.  He is definitely a heart racing DILF.  Wow.  We grab a table outside and he goes inside to get a bottle of white, and a fruit/cheese and cracker plate.  Throughout the night, several men come up to him and say hello.  Seems to be his house hang out and I was just wondering if I was the flavor of the night.  RED FLAG 5.  He is so over-complimentary.  He compliments my shoulders (who compliments shoulders?) and what a nice ring I was wearing (a cheap costume jewelry ring!).  RED FLAGS 6 AND 7.  After about 2 hours, he suggest we go somewhere else....to eat, change scenery, etc.  He suggests we go down the block to his place and then decide.  I didn't think this guy was going to hurt me.  So - what the heck.  And....here we go.....RED FLAG 8.

He gives me the grand tour of his place, grabs me some water, and we start flipping through the channels.  He kissed me and what the heck -- I mean he IS a DILF.  But - I knew where this was going.  Within a couple of minutes he massages my shoulders and tells me that I should take my shirt off. I said no.  He tells me how hot he is and that he'd like to take his shirt of.  RED FLAG 9.  The six pack abs is staring right at me.  After a little while, he claims that his "you know what" is hurting him and he needs to take his jeans off.  This 43 year old man is acting like a 16 year old.  Here I am -- fully dressed and they guy is practically naked in front of me.  He did in fact take is you know what out of his underwear to show me what I'm missing.  Quite humorous.  I go to the bathroom, and when I get out, he is upstairs and asks me to come join him and cuddle in bed.  RED FLAG 10.  I told him that I'm not going upstairs and in fact I'm leaving.  He asks me why I was being that way -- I should take it as a compliment that he is attracted to me.  I said, if I sleep with everyone I go on a first date with, I'd be sleeping with another guy almost every night of the week.

I'm out.  He texts me the next day telling me what a great time he had and did not ask me out again.

Next.............

Suitors # 10, 11, 12: Boring, Boring, Boring. Aug 26, 27, Sept 10

Need I say more......I won't bore you with the details.....

Next......

Suitor #9. Penpal. Aug 25

This guy was pretty cool and cute.  We went out on a Saturday night to dinner.  While I was laughing and enjoying myself, I realized that he did not ask me one question about me.  We weren't really getting to know each other.  He was just talking about himself.

Could be clueless, inexperienced (he is divorced), or all about himself.  Who knows.  I was up for going out again.  He walked me to my car and did not set up another date (you know that's not a good sign!).

After that we had daily text correspondence but no more dates were set up.  We are now in Oct and I still get texts every now and again.  Nothing suggesting a date though.  Whut?!?  He just wants a penpal.

Next.....

Suitor #8. Mr. Selfish. Aug 23

Agreed to meet this guy for a "quick drink" after work because I had to go home and take care of my dog.  I actually had a decent time.  He was very knowledgeable about random things and kept me entertained.  He was very touchy as he talked...and...I kindof like that.   Not bad looking too.  He was a consultant and owned his own business and seemed pretty intelligent.

I agreed to a second date, which was about two weeks later because I had my Dad visiting from out of town and he was busy as well.

We went to this Italian "tapas" place.  I was having an "ok" time.  Definitely pleasant but no jitters.  He was a year younger than me and a little bit immature but still not tossing in the towel.

Here's the clincher.....

We ordered this appetizer of bread with cheese and honeycomb.  They give you just a little bit of honeycomb that you have to use sparingly if you want to have enough for all 6 slices of bread.  I still had about 1.5 slices left on my plate and he was down to his last slice.  He scraped up ALL of the honeycomb off the plate.  I would say that 99% of guys that I date offer me the last bit of the appetizer or put food on my plate.  This guy had no clue.  He didn't even realize that he did not leave any for me.  If this was "good behavior" on the 2nd date...who knows what is to come.

Went back to his place since he lived down the block.  I said I had to go pretty early.  And just about close to my car, I realized that I left my really nice Pashmina shawl at his place.  He said that it is just another excuse to see me again.  WTF was I supposed to do now?!?  Later that week, I had a meeting close to his house and I texted him to see if I can stop by and get it.  Phew!

Next.......

Tall, Blonde, and Beautiful

Well - it all happens.  We all get rejected.  Sometimes, even before a first date.  Thought I'd share the email below and Xing out the identifying information.

EMAIL 1 FROM ME:
Hi! Ok - so I winked but we have too much in common so I thought I'd send a note. Where in XXX are you from? I'm from XXX. I also went to XXX for college and XXX school.  Is your vacation spot in XXX? My XXX is there...along with the other XX Jews :) Hope to hear from you :) XXX


EMAIL 2 FROM HIM:
Hello. Thank you so much for the sweet contact. We definitely have a lot in common. I am from XXX so we were neighbors :). I have a real strong attraction to tall, blonde and beautiful girls and because of this doubt that we would be a match as far as marriage, but I would still be interested in saying hello on a friendship level if you like?


My thought -- you had to throw in the word "beautiful"!  O M G


EMAIL 3: FROM ME:  NOTE - NONE OF THIS IS TRUE BUT I JUST HAD TO BE ....ME....

RE:

Thank you for the classy email. I completely understand where you are coming from. I typically only go out with Drs. because people with more junior degrees aren't intellectually stimulating for me, but I thought I would give you a chance since you are XXX and from XXXX. Thanks for reminding me that we wouldn't be a match ;) I remember your profile from Jdate about 3 years ago....Good luck finding a tall, blonde, beautiful woman - most that I know don't typically fall for Jewish looking guys.
Take Care.

Email 4: From him
I wish you all the best on findiding the perfect doctor. I am a little disappointed that I am going to be living the rest of my life all alone though. I was never really aware of that until you so poetically updated me. I just would not want to create false hope and perhaps my words were not so perfect, but I responded because I thought you sounded nice and interesting and might be a nice person to get to know better in a non sexual way. Sorry this was not good enough for you. Best of luck in XXX.

Suitor # 7. Weight a minute. Aug 16

Yes - it happens to women too.

I went out with a guy who had several nice pictures up.  He is originally from NY.  We went to eat sushi.  When I arrived and met him outside...I had to do a triple take.  This was NOT the same man who I was emailing.  Well...maybe it was but at least 50 lbs heavier.

I actually prefer a guy with some meat on his bones over a skinny minny guy but this was false representation.  Foot in the Door.  Bait and Switch.  Whatever you want to call it but I wanted out.  Not only that...he walked with his arms out on his side like he was some hot shot.  He was just "puffy" is the only way I can describe it.  He was wearing a sports coat and was sweating so much that when we sat down, he had to go the bathroom to wash off.

When all else fails...talk about match dates.  He told me the last girl he went out with went to the bathroom within 10 minutes of the date and never came back to the table.  I was so tempted to tell him why...but I bit my tongue.

I ate my roll and said I had to go and I didn't need him to walk me to my car.

Next.......

Suitor # 6. Mr Nothing Wrong with Him... Aug 6

Went to another cute little Greek place by my house for dinner.  This guy is actually somewhat friendly with a guy I dated a couple of years ago who told me that he was a nice guy.  So - I thought how bad can dinner be.

Actually had a pleasant time.  Wasn't a match.  But - nothing was wrong with him.

The funny part of the night:  I let the waiter pick a white wine for me.  After dinner, I asked him which wine he picked because I liked it and wanted to remember it.  I told him that I was 18 and just learning what I liked.  He believed me and got worried!  Hahaha!

:)

Next.......

Suitor #5: The Advertiser July 30

I typically do not go out with guys who do not have a formal education.  Just one of those things - I went to college, then 5 years of graduate school, 2 years of post-doc.  I think it would just be a commonality.  Well - I decided to give "The Advertiser" a chance anyway.  He seems to be very successful in his career and has several businesses.  Plus - he did have some attractive profile pictures.  We met for fro-yo.  Can't hurt....1 hour of conversation and trade in for my favorite snack right down the block from my house.  OK.  And I got to bring my dog too.

When I went to look up his profile before the date, it was no longer visible.  Was he that confident that he already took his profile down?  I asked him about it and he said when he is talking to 2-3 women, he takes it down because it is too hard to keep up.  Well excuse me, Mr. Popularity.

The whole time, "Mr. Advertiser" was telling me about his online business, which teaches people about how to grow their own businesses.  I was actually very intrigued by the conversation and could have talked to him all day about it.   However, it was more like a job interview or sales pitch than a date.  After about an hour, I said that I had to go meet my family because of a prior engagement. 

When I got into my car and pulled up my match app ...there his profile was, visible to the world.

Even when I am not interested in them....knowing they rejected me.... kind of stinks too......Unless, he was onto his next Adverstisee.....

At least I got some good fro-yo and business ideas from it.

Next......

Suitor #4. Dr. Infectious July 28

This guy was actually kindof decent.  He is a Dr.  Somewhat attractive - I wouldn't say "hot" but definitely fine to look at.  Divorced with a child.  Just joined match for the first time.  We were at dinner for quite a while.  He walked me to my car, told me he'd like to see me again, and gave me an innocent sweet peck on the lips.

-Never heard from him again.  I guess he was not too infectious.....

Next.......

Suitor # 3....."Yawn" July 24

Not much to say here.  Booorrrriiiinnnggg.  Met at a bar for drinks.  We were just about finished with the drink and I was taking my last breath as I thought we were going to say goodbye.....
--He orders another round.  UGH!?!?!

Next.......

Suitor #2: "Venturing Out" July 13

Before I moved here in 2009, I searched online to see what the quality of men were like.  I remember emailing this one guy a few times back and forth but when I moved here, he was no longer online.

Well.....here he is again.  An early 40 something year old "venture capitalist."  We started emailing again and agreed to meet at Ruths Chris for some drinks and apps.  Ironically, Ricardo always wanted to take me to Ruths Chris but I told him that will be our celebratory 30 days of no fighting dinner.

I'm still living with Ricardo and he wasn't coming home that night.  I used a free coupon to get my hair done that night and looked great with my leggings, heals, and funky/flowy/sleeveless top.  This time I did NOT mention Ricardo on the date (or the next 4 or so dates I had with this guy).

"Venturing Out" was definitely quite pleasant to look at and fun to be on dates with but something did not add up.  Throughout the few dates that I had he: 1) told me he forgets that he has a match.com account but his profile always says "online now," 2) had to end dates early sometimes to get to his grandmother's house and bring her groceries, 3) didn't have license plates on his new car and was still waiting for them to come in, 4) cancelled several times at the last minute for backaches from working out, 5) lost his phone on a day we were supposed to go see a play and I never heard from him until that evening.  OK - something is odd with this duck......

Venturing out helped me venture out....I went on a few dates with him and got myself back in the game.  Next.......

First Date. "Mr. Practice" - July 12, 2012

I had my first date today.  Ricardo is still living with me but has a work dinner.  I bought a new shirt - that's what girls do when they go on dates, right?!?  I put myself on jdate a couple of weeks ago and there was only 1 guy on there who I found somewhat attractive.  He was in his early 40s, lives in La Jolla, and is an attorney.  Sounds great so far!

We went to a little Greek place near where I live.  I was nervous that he would ask questions about my "last relationship," or if I "lived alone."  I'm such a bad liar and how would I respond - "I'm still in a relationship and my boyfriend lives with me - he is just out at a business meeting!"

Anyway - Mr. Practice was really just my practice date.  While he does live in La Jolla, he rents a place and has a roommate.  He is in his early 40s and has never lived alone.  He does not speak to his family anymore - had a blow out.  While his profile said he is an "attorney,"  he actually failed the bar and does not practice.

I wasn't so interested in him and actually confessed about Ricardo (when the bill came! - what perfect timing too..ugh!).  He responded well and told me to put him on hold and call him when the relationship is over.  However, he then asked me if I wanted to continue the date out at drinks.  Whut?!?

So, there you have it.  Welcome back to the dating world. Next.......

Welcome and my dating summary before 10/2012!

Hello!  This is my first blog and my first blog post.  Note - I am not using my real name, location, or identity to protect both my business and personal life.  While today is 10/21/2012, I am back-dating this post so that my dates can be followed in real-time.

I'm creating this blog as an outlet for myself to vent about the good....the bad....and the ugly of dating in your (mid)30s.  All of my single dating friends --- hopefully you can relate to this. All of my snatched up friends....well....hopefully you will be entertained rather than living "vicariously" through me.  I plan to post something about every date that I go on.  My weekly family dinners are always very entertaining with this information.....so hopefully this will put a smile on your face as well.

A summary of my dating life before October 2012.  Where do I start.....
-Like most women, I've been hurt and devastated by break-ups.  I've also done some hurting to others.  Either side is never fun.

2006 -- Engaged.  2007 -- Unengaged.  Lessons learned:  I will never move in with anyone before marriage.  They can move in with me.  I will never buy a home with anyone before marriage.  I like when my man says "I love you" before I do.  I will never push for an engagement ring.  I will not get engaged until I know in my heart that it is 1000% right.

2008.  "Dean AT."  Ex-boyfriend.  Not sure how long the relationship lasted because we chose to be "muzzles" every night and not speak but just cuddle on the couch.  The only way to prevent breaking up but also getting back together.  Love you AT.  A guy who can always crack me up like just by looking at me.....and we'll always be good friends :)

2009.  Moved to where I live now.  I began dating shortly after I moved.  I wish I started this blog back then because I have countless stories to share.  One that stands out in my mind is a 3rd date that I had on a Saturday night.  We got back to my place and he wanted to share with me what he typically does on a Saturday night.  I was game.  He took out the Torah and started singing in Hebrew and praying.  I tried so hard not to laugh and anyone who knows me knows that this is not my idea of a Saturday night back at my place.

2010 - 2012.  Let's call him "Ricardo."  Great guy.  Best boyfriend that I ever had (sorry everyone else! - Ricardo wins the prize). He was in love with me.  He was perfect on paper.  See my rules from above after 2006:  He told me he loved me after 4 weeks, he told me every day how I "did it for him" and how he "cherished me."  I knew I was the love of his life.  I was confident and secure.  He had so many things I was looking for.  He moved into my place.  He took me ring shopping.  I knew that he would get me exactly what I wanted and more.  Everything was perfect.

So....what was the problem you ask?  I didn't want to get engaged until it was 1000% right.  I didn't think I was expecting perfection but I was waiting for long-term important things to be just right.  I wanted us to be on the same page for spending $ versus savings (we were very different).  That was the one main issue and the one main reason why I was waiting.  The issue had many SUB issues, but that was the main one.  He liked to take me (and other people) out to nice dinners, buy me anything and everything.  I liked this but at the end of the day -- I wanted to feel secure with both of us saving money as well.  He knew that I couldn't let my guard down until I felt comfortable with this change and he was "working on it."  He waited for over a year (as did I) but I think this wait pushed him away.  I began treating him poorly because I just wanted him to change his spending/savings habit so that I'd feel comfortable moving forward.  The way I treated him and my not moving forward ended up pushing him away.  We went to San Francisco in 12/2011 and that was the beginning of the end.  He started staying at work very late, going out to dinners with clients nightly, the sweet texts during the day stopped.   By March/April, I realized that I needed to change the way that I treated him.  I did.  I became very loving.  I started greeting him at the door with "the look" on my face that he loved.  I would cook dinner and want to just be with him.  The problem was...he never came home to experience my change, to see the look in my eye when he walked through the door, or eat the dinner.  He told me that "I didn't understand" that having a company in Mexico means taking customers out to dinner.  I understood.  I got it.  But it became every night.  Dinner turned into 2 am.  He began drinking too much, would often pull over and fall asleep on the side of the road and not make it home, cancel plans with me to have dinner with other people.  I was hurt waiting for him home every night as I ate dinner alone (or with friends), watched TV, and went to bed.  Living a single life but in a relationship and living with a man.  I turned mean and ugly.  He knew how much I wanted him home...but he never came.  We went to therapy for several weeks.  I did everything I was supposed to do:  say thank you for everything (even the cup of coffee he makes me in the morning), be more appreciative, etc.  I did everything.  The one thing he was supposed to work on is coming home.  That was the topic of our therapy sessions weekly.  Even the therapist told him, "you are not the president of the US" and he replied to her with "you don't understand my job," to which she chuckled.   She explained that if he had cancer, he would be home for his chemo treatment.  One of my good friends (Kelli) also stated that if he had "explosive diarrhea" he would be able to leave the business meeting.  It is about choice and I went from first choice....down many levels.

After months of living this way, I tried to resolve it in many ways.  I cried, yelled, ignored. I showed him sadness and anger.  Nothing changed.  So - for my last resort, I tried to use threat and jealousy.  I told him that I would put an online dating profile up and begin to email/go out with other people.  He didn't seem bothered by this.  Not sure if he believed me.  Well....I did.

I began talking and yes, dating other people - while still living with my boyfriend.  I was honest with Ricardo.  I told him about every date.  I often texted him a picture of me all dolled up in my date outfit and told him I would cancel even last minute if he came home.  He replied with "have fun" or "thanks for giving me first right of refusal."  So - I'd go on dates and he would be home...whenever he got home.  I took all of our pictures down in case a guy picked me up.  After a few weeks of that and a second date with one guy, I thought it would be best for Ricardo to move out.  He did but he told me that he would likely be over the house 5 times a week.  Maybe moving out would be the only way to move forward.

After move out day, Ricardo essentially never came over.  I saw him maybe once per week.  His nights were still filled with "work events." Evening dinners with customers, graphic designers, lawyers, etc.  He always assured me that he wasn't dating anyone else as he did not even have time to see me.  Well -- a long story short...and after he was caught out with another woman (who he claims to be a friend), he confessed that he had gone out with three girls: one once, two twice, and then kissed some other girl at a pool party.    I was shocked.  I was lied to on each of those dates regarding what he was doing.  I was also lied to when I asked him repeatedly if there was anyone else.

And there we have it.  A two year relationship.  All I was waiting for is my man to be what most women want -- right?!?  A protector and a provider.  Well - he wasn't a provider at first because I was fearful of his spending habits.  Then, he wasn't a protector because he never came home.

Back to dating........and the start of this blog.........