I typically do not go out with guys who do not have a formal education. Just one of those things - I went to college, then 5 years of graduate school, 2 years of post-doc. I think it would just be a commonality. Well - I decided to give "The Advertiser" a chance anyway. He seems to be very successful in his career and has several businesses. Plus - he did have some attractive profile pictures. We met for fro-yo. Can't hurt....1 hour of conversation and trade in for my favorite snack right down the block from my house. OK. And I got to bring my dog too.
When I went to look up his profile before the date, it was no longer visible. Was he that confident that he already took his profile down? I asked him about it and he said when he is talking to 2-3 women, he takes it down because it is too hard to keep up. Well excuse me, Mr. Popularity.
The whole time, "Mr. Advertiser" was telling me about his online business, which teaches people about how to grow their own businesses. I was actually very intrigued by the conversation and could have talked to him all day about it. However, it was more like a job interview or sales pitch than a date. After about an hour, I said that I had to go meet my family because of a prior engagement.
When I got into my car and pulled up my match app ...there his profile was, visible to the world.
Even when I am not interested in them....knowing they rejected me.... kind of stinks too......Unless, he was onto his next Adverstisee.....
At least I got some good fro-yo and business ideas from it.
Next......
Monday, July 30, 2012
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Suitor #4. Dr. Infectious July 28
This guy was actually kindof decent. He is a Dr. Somewhat attractive - I wouldn't say "hot" but definitely fine to look at. Divorced with a child. Just joined match for the first time. We were at dinner for quite a while. He walked me to my car, told me he'd like to see me again, and gave me an innocent sweet peck on the lips.
-Never heard from him again. I guess he was not too infectious.....
Next.......
-Never heard from him again. I guess he was not too infectious.....
Next.......
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Suitor # 3....."Yawn" July 24
Not much to say here. Booorrrriiiinnnggg. Met at a bar for drinks. We were just about finished with the drink and I was taking my last breath as I thought we were going to say goodbye.....
--He orders another round. UGH!?!?!
Next.......
--He orders another round. UGH!?!?!
Next.......
Friday, July 13, 2012
Suitor #2: "Venturing Out" July 13
Before I moved here in 2009, I searched online to see what the quality of men were like. I remember emailing this one guy a few times back and forth but when I moved here, he was no longer online.
Well.....here he is again. An early 40 something year old "venture capitalist." We started emailing again and agreed to meet at Ruths Chris for some drinks and apps. Ironically, Ricardo always wanted to take me to Ruths Chris but I told him that will be our celebratory 30 days of no fighting dinner.
I'm still living with Ricardo and he wasn't coming home that night. I used a free coupon to get my hair done that night and looked great with my leggings, heals, and funky/flowy/sleeveless top. This time I did NOT mention Ricardo on the date (or the next 4 or so dates I had with this guy).
"Venturing Out" was definitely quite pleasant to look at and fun to be on dates with but something did not add up. Throughout the few dates that I had he: 1) told me he forgets that he has a match.com account but his profile always says "online now," 2) had to end dates early sometimes to get to his grandmother's house and bring her groceries, 3) didn't have license plates on his new car and was still waiting for them to come in, 4) cancelled several times at the last minute for backaches from working out, 5) lost his phone on a day we were supposed to go see a play and I never heard from him until that evening. OK - something is odd with this duck......
Venturing out helped me venture out....I went on a few dates with him and got myself back in the game. Next.......
Well.....here he is again. An early 40 something year old "venture capitalist." We started emailing again and agreed to meet at Ruths Chris for some drinks and apps. Ironically, Ricardo always wanted to take me to Ruths Chris but I told him that will be our celebratory 30 days of no fighting dinner.
I'm still living with Ricardo and he wasn't coming home that night. I used a free coupon to get my hair done that night and looked great with my leggings, heals, and funky/flowy/sleeveless top. This time I did NOT mention Ricardo on the date (or the next 4 or so dates I had with this guy).
"Venturing Out" was definitely quite pleasant to look at and fun to be on dates with but something did not add up. Throughout the few dates that I had he: 1) told me he forgets that he has a match.com account but his profile always says "online now," 2) had to end dates early sometimes to get to his grandmother's house and bring her groceries, 3) didn't have license plates on his new car and was still waiting for them to come in, 4) cancelled several times at the last minute for backaches from working out, 5) lost his phone on a day we were supposed to go see a play and I never heard from him until that evening. OK - something is odd with this duck......
Venturing out helped me venture out....I went on a few dates with him and got myself back in the game. Next.......
Thursday, July 12, 2012
First Date. "Mr. Practice" - July 12, 2012
I had my first date today. Ricardo is still living with me but has a work dinner. I bought a new shirt - that's what girls do when they go on dates, right?!? I put myself on jdate a couple of weeks ago and there was only 1 guy on there who I found somewhat attractive. He was in his early 40s, lives in La Jolla, and is an attorney. Sounds great so far!
We went to a little Greek place near where I live. I was nervous that he would ask questions about my "last relationship," or if I "lived alone." I'm such a bad liar and how would I respond - "I'm still in a relationship and my boyfriend lives with me - he is just out at a business meeting!"
Anyway - Mr. Practice was really just my practice date. While he does live in La Jolla, he rents a place and has a roommate. He is in his early 40s and has never lived alone. He does not speak to his family anymore - had a blow out. While his profile said he is an "attorney," he actually failed the bar and does not practice.
I wasn't so interested in him and actually confessed about Ricardo (when the bill came! - what perfect timing too..ugh!). He responded well and told me to put him on hold and call him when the relationship is over. However, he then asked me if I wanted to continue the date out at drinks. Whut?!?
So, there you have it. Welcome back to the dating world. Next.......
We went to a little Greek place near where I live. I was nervous that he would ask questions about my "last relationship," or if I "lived alone." I'm such a bad liar and how would I respond - "I'm still in a relationship and my boyfriend lives with me - he is just out at a business meeting!"
Anyway - Mr. Practice was really just my practice date. While he does live in La Jolla, he rents a place and has a roommate. He is in his early 40s and has never lived alone. He does not speak to his family anymore - had a blow out. While his profile said he is an "attorney," he actually failed the bar and does not practice.
I wasn't so interested in him and actually confessed about Ricardo (when the bill came! - what perfect timing too..ugh!). He responded well and told me to put him on hold and call him when the relationship is over. However, he then asked me if I wanted to continue the date out at drinks. Whut?!?
So, there you have it. Welcome back to the dating world. Next.......
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Welcome and my dating summary before 10/2012!
Hello! This is my first blog and my first blog post. Note - I am not using my real name, location, or identity to protect both my business and personal life. While today is 10/21/2012, I am back-dating this post so that my dates can be followed in real-time.
I'm creating this blog as an outlet for myself to vent about the good....the bad....and the ugly of dating in your (mid)30s. All of my single dating friends --- hopefully you can relate to this. All of my snatched up friends....well....hopefully you will be entertained rather than living "vicariously" through me. I plan to post something about every date that I go on. My weekly family dinners are always very entertaining with this information.....so hopefully this will put a smile on your face as well.
A summary of my dating life before October 2012. Where do I start.....
-Like most women, I've been hurt and devastated by break-ups. I've also done some hurting to others. Either side is never fun.
2006 -- Engaged. 2007 -- Unengaged. Lessons learned: I will never move in with anyone before marriage. They can move in with me. I will never buy a home with anyone before marriage. I like when my man says "I love you" before I do. I will never push for an engagement ring. I will not get engaged until I know in my heart that it is 1000% right.
2008. "Dean AT." Ex-boyfriend. Not sure how long the relationship lasted because we chose to be "muzzles" every night and not speak but just cuddle on the couch. The only way to prevent breaking up but also getting back together. Love you AT. A guy who can always crack me up like just by looking at me.....and we'll always be good friends :)
2009. Moved to where I live now. I began dating shortly after I moved. I wish I started this blog back then because I have countless stories to share. One that stands out in my mind is a 3rd date that I had on a Saturday night. We got back to my place and he wanted to share with me what he typically does on a Saturday night. I was game. He took out the Torah and started singing in Hebrew and praying. I tried so hard not to laugh and anyone who knows me knows that this is not my idea of a Saturday night back at my place.
2010 - 2012. Let's call him "Ricardo." Great guy. Best boyfriend that I ever had (sorry everyone else! - Ricardo wins the prize). He was in love with me. He was perfect on paper. See my rules from above after 2006: He told me he loved me after 4 weeks, he told me every day how I "did it for him" and how he "cherished me." I knew I was the love of his life. I was confident and secure. He had so many things I was looking for. He moved into my place. He took me ring shopping. I knew that he would get me exactly what I wanted and more. Everything was perfect.
So....what was the problem you ask? I didn't want to get engaged until it was 1000% right. I didn't think I was expecting perfection but I was waiting for long-term important things to be just right. I wanted us to be on the same page for spending $ versus savings (we were very different). That was the one main issue and the one main reason why I was waiting. The issue had many SUB issues, but that was the main one. He liked to take me (and other people) out to nice dinners, buy me anything and everything. I liked this but at the end of the day -- I wanted to feel secure with both of us saving money as well. He knew that I couldn't let my guard down until I felt comfortable with this change and he was "working on it." He waited for over a year (as did I) but I think this wait pushed him away. I began treating him poorly because I just wanted him to change his spending/savings habit so that I'd feel comfortable moving forward. The way I treated him and my not moving forward ended up pushing him away. We went to San Francisco in 12/2011 and that was the beginning of the end. He started staying at work very late, going out to dinners with clients nightly, the sweet texts during the day stopped. By March/April, I realized that I needed to change the way that I treated him. I did. I became very loving. I started greeting him at the door with "the look" on my face that he loved. I would cook dinner and want to just be with him. The problem was...he never came home to experience my change, to see the look in my eye when he walked through the door, or eat the dinner. He told me that "I didn't understand" that having a company in Mexico means taking customers out to dinner. I understood. I got it. But it became every night. Dinner turned into 2 am. He began drinking too much, would often pull over and fall asleep on the side of the road and not make it home, cancel plans with me to have dinner with other people. I was hurt waiting for him home every night as I ate dinner alone (or with friends), watched TV, and went to bed. Living a single life but in a relationship and living with a man. I turned mean and ugly. He knew how much I wanted him home...but he never came. We went to therapy for several weeks. I did everything I was supposed to do: say thank you for everything (even the cup of coffee he makes me in the morning), be more appreciative, etc. I did everything. The one thing he was supposed to work on is coming home. That was the topic of our therapy sessions weekly. Even the therapist told him, "you are not the president of the US" and he replied to her with "you don't understand my job," to which she chuckled. She explained that if he had cancer, he would be home for his chemo treatment. One of my good friends (Kelli) also stated that if he had "explosive diarrhea" he would be able to leave the business meeting. It is about choice and I went from first choice....down many levels.
After months of living this way, I tried to resolve it in many ways. I cried, yelled, ignored. I showed him sadness and anger. Nothing changed. So - for my last resort, I tried to use threat and jealousy. I told him that I would put an online dating profile up and begin to email/go out with other people. He didn't seem bothered by this. Not sure if he believed me. Well....I did.
I began talking and yes, dating other people - while still living with my boyfriend. I was honest with Ricardo. I told him about every date. I often texted him a picture of me all dolled up in my date outfit and told him I would cancel even last minute if he came home. He replied with "have fun" or "thanks for giving me first right of refusal." So - I'd go on dates and he would be home...whenever he got home. I took all of our pictures down in case a guy picked me up. After a few weeks of that and a second date with one guy, I thought it would be best for Ricardo to move out. He did but he told me that he would likely be over the house 5 times a week. Maybe moving out would be the only way to move forward.
After move out day, Ricardo essentially never came over. I saw him maybe once per week. His nights were still filled with "work events." Evening dinners with customers, graphic designers, lawyers, etc. He always assured me that he wasn't dating anyone else as he did not even have time to see me. Well -- a long story short...and after he was caught out with another woman (who he claims to be a friend), he confessed that he had gone out with three girls: one once, two twice, and then kissed some other girl at a pool party. I was shocked. I was lied to on each of those dates regarding what he was doing. I was also lied to when I asked him repeatedly if there was anyone else.
And there we have it. A two year relationship. All I was waiting for is my man to be what most women want -- right?!? A protector and a provider. Well - he wasn't a provider at first because I was fearful of his spending habits. Then, he wasn't a protector because he never came home.
Back to dating........and the start of this blog.........
I'm creating this blog as an outlet for myself to vent about the good....the bad....and the ugly of dating in your (mid)30s. All of my single dating friends --- hopefully you can relate to this. All of my snatched up friends....well....hopefully you will be entertained rather than living "vicariously" through me. I plan to post something about every date that I go on. My weekly family dinners are always very entertaining with this information.....so hopefully this will put a smile on your face as well.
A summary of my dating life before October 2012. Where do I start.....
-Like most women, I've been hurt and devastated by break-ups. I've also done some hurting to others. Either side is never fun.
2006 -- Engaged. 2007 -- Unengaged. Lessons learned: I will never move in with anyone before marriage. They can move in with me. I will never buy a home with anyone before marriage. I like when my man says "I love you" before I do. I will never push for an engagement ring. I will not get engaged until I know in my heart that it is 1000% right.
2008. "Dean AT." Ex-boyfriend. Not sure how long the relationship lasted because we chose to be "muzzles" every night and not speak but just cuddle on the couch. The only way to prevent breaking up but also getting back together. Love you AT. A guy who can always crack me up like just by looking at me.....and we'll always be good friends :)
2009. Moved to where I live now. I began dating shortly after I moved. I wish I started this blog back then because I have countless stories to share. One that stands out in my mind is a 3rd date that I had on a Saturday night. We got back to my place and he wanted to share with me what he typically does on a Saturday night. I was game. He took out the Torah and started singing in Hebrew and praying. I tried so hard not to laugh and anyone who knows me knows that this is not my idea of a Saturday night back at my place.
2010 - 2012. Let's call him "Ricardo." Great guy. Best boyfriend that I ever had (sorry everyone else! - Ricardo wins the prize). He was in love with me. He was perfect on paper. See my rules from above after 2006: He told me he loved me after 4 weeks, he told me every day how I "did it for him" and how he "cherished me." I knew I was the love of his life. I was confident and secure. He had so many things I was looking for. He moved into my place. He took me ring shopping. I knew that he would get me exactly what I wanted and more. Everything was perfect.
So....what was the problem you ask? I didn't want to get engaged until it was 1000% right. I didn't think I was expecting perfection but I was waiting for long-term important things to be just right. I wanted us to be on the same page for spending $ versus savings (we were very different). That was the one main issue and the one main reason why I was waiting. The issue had many SUB issues, but that was the main one. He liked to take me (and other people) out to nice dinners, buy me anything and everything. I liked this but at the end of the day -- I wanted to feel secure with both of us saving money as well. He knew that I couldn't let my guard down until I felt comfortable with this change and he was "working on it." He waited for over a year (as did I) but I think this wait pushed him away. I began treating him poorly because I just wanted him to change his spending/savings habit so that I'd feel comfortable moving forward. The way I treated him and my not moving forward ended up pushing him away. We went to San Francisco in 12/2011 and that was the beginning of the end. He started staying at work very late, going out to dinners with clients nightly, the sweet texts during the day stopped. By March/April, I realized that I needed to change the way that I treated him. I did. I became very loving. I started greeting him at the door with "the look" on my face that he loved. I would cook dinner and want to just be with him. The problem was...he never came home to experience my change, to see the look in my eye when he walked through the door, or eat the dinner. He told me that "I didn't understand" that having a company in Mexico means taking customers out to dinner. I understood. I got it. But it became every night. Dinner turned into 2 am. He began drinking too much, would often pull over and fall asleep on the side of the road and not make it home, cancel plans with me to have dinner with other people. I was hurt waiting for him home every night as I ate dinner alone (or with friends), watched TV, and went to bed. Living a single life but in a relationship and living with a man. I turned mean and ugly. He knew how much I wanted him home...but he never came. We went to therapy for several weeks. I did everything I was supposed to do: say thank you for everything (even the cup of coffee he makes me in the morning), be more appreciative, etc. I did everything. The one thing he was supposed to work on is coming home. That was the topic of our therapy sessions weekly. Even the therapist told him, "you are not the president of the US" and he replied to her with "you don't understand my job," to which she chuckled. She explained that if he had cancer, he would be home for his chemo treatment. One of my good friends (Kelli) also stated that if he had "explosive diarrhea" he would be able to leave the business meeting. It is about choice and I went from first choice....down many levels.
After months of living this way, I tried to resolve it in many ways. I cried, yelled, ignored. I showed him sadness and anger. Nothing changed. So - for my last resort, I tried to use threat and jealousy. I told him that I would put an online dating profile up and begin to email/go out with other people. He didn't seem bothered by this. Not sure if he believed me. Well....I did.
I began talking and yes, dating other people - while still living with my boyfriend. I was honest with Ricardo. I told him about every date. I often texted him a picture of me all dolled up in my date outfit and told him I would cancel even last minute if he came home. He replied with "have fun" or "thanks for giving me first right of refusal." So - I'd go on dates and he would be home...whenever he got home. I took all of our pictures down in case a guy picked me up. After a few weeks of that and a second date with one guy, I thought it would be best for Ricardo to move out. He did but he told me that he would likely be over the house 5 times a week. Maybe moving out would be the only way to move forward.
After move out day, Ricardo essentially never came over. I saw him maybe once per week. His nights were still filled with "work events." Evening dinners with customers, graphic designers, lawyers, etc. He always assured me that he wasn't dating anyone else as he did not even have time to see me. Well -- a long story short...and after he was caught out with another woman (who he claims to be a friend), he confessed that he had gone out with three girls: one once, two twice, and then kissed some other girl at a pool party. I was shocked. I was lied to on each of those dates regarding what he was doing. I was also lied to when I asked him repeatedly if there was anyone else.
And there we have it. A two year relationship. All I was waiting for is my man to be what most women want -- right?!? A protector and a provider. Well - he wasn't a provider at first because I was fearful of his spending habits. Then, he wasn't a protector because he never came home.
Back to dating........and the start of this blog.........
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