In Jan 2010 I was emailing a guy from JDate. We had a lot in common. We were both from the East Coast, families both moved out here, shared many of the same interests, connected on several levels, etc. I was with my friend Christine for brunch on the day that me and "Kevin Cheatdick" were supposed to meet. I was very excited about this particular date and Christine and I were joking about me marrying this guy.
Kevin and I met out at a
nice restaurant for dinner. We
were there for hours and closed the restaurant down. I remember
nice things that he said to me, which made me feel special. At the end of the date, we said
goodbye, and I called my mom on the way home and told her that "I just had a
date with the guy I was going to marry."
Kevin and I dated for about 5-6 weeks or so. He put effort into every date to make them perfect. He texted me sweet things at night such as “Ciao Bella” and
I soaked up every letter. On our second date we went for dinner and we had a
surprise appointment after dinner but we talked so much that we missed our appointment (I did not know what this appointment was). On our third date, Kevin had us booked (a surprise) for Asian foot massages after dinner. I never had one before and I felt like
I was on the Bachelorette.
On our fourth date, Kevin cooked us dinner. Everything was perfect from the appetizer to the bread, etc.
He
kicked me out by midnight with a sweet kiss. He didn’t want to jump into things because he “really liked
me.” He had a very nice house and he
impressed me with his several cars, many pair of designer jeans, designer
workout clothes, and a membership to about 20 wine clubs. He owned a company/patent/product that many of you
probably use today and is quite successful. I told my friends about him and
they thought his conversations about the “varietals of the grape” and his "several cars" and "show dog" were pompous
and they couldn’t believe that I was into this guy. Well…I was. After a couple of more dates,
Kevin fell off the face of the earth.
I never knew what really happened but all he said was he wasn’t ready and he was in the middle of selling his company, etc. I was hurt, but just let it go and if
it was meant to be, he would come back. He told me he would contact me in about a week but never did.
In Sept/Oct 2010, I went on vacation to Italy. I tasted different “varietals of the
grape” en Italia. I thought I’d impress him
with my trip to Italy and wine tastings so I emailed him to let him know and also see what’s up in his life. That same week I met Ricardo and by the time Kevin wrote
back, I was several weeks into dating Ricardo (seeing him every night) and did not want to ruin what
seemed like a good thing -- so I did not pursue Kevin. I did tell Kevin that I was in a relationship (I don’t
remember when exactly I told him, but I did). Kevin texted to check in a few times over the year and I continued to tell him that I was unavailable. I never met up with him but after each text, I felt like I was keeping a huge secret from Ricardo -- even if I
did not reply. So – I was always
honest with Ricardo and then I
always felt better. Ricardo hated
it. He hated that he was in love
with me and then some “douche” (as Ricardo puts it) texted me and I acted all
weird. Ricardo thought he was
second choice. I felt bad about
that. He never understood that I
was actually choosing him by not replying or by telling Kevin that I am
unavailable. I did not want to leave him for Kevin and Ricardo actually was first choice. I just had to deal with the blast from the past popping up.
In April 2011, I was in between houses
and I stayed with Ricardo for a month in his 600ish square foot
bungalow. There were his things,
my things, us, and Pappy. A tight
squeeze. I called it the “mouse
house” because that is what it looked like and I never realized that I made
Ricardo feel bad every time I said it. I feel sorry for that now. Ricardo had to go to away for a day and I
stayed alone in his place. Of
course it happened to be the one day that it poured in our typical Sunny environment, and his
roof had a huge hole in it. I was
freezing and alone in this tiny place with rain dripping in. Ironically (I think I'm using this right), Kevin texts me to tell me that he just bought a house in …I don’t want
to give away any identifying information…the most expensive zip code in the
US. That did not help the
way that I felt in the mouse house and my thoughts about financial security moving forward. All I did was text back to say "congrats." Nothing more, nothing less. I knew that Ricardo was a
great person and I continued to wait for stability.
Kevin soon met someone so the texts to me finally became more and more rare and I was happy that we can both move on with our lives. I recently texted Kevin to see if he
knew Old Balls (see suitor #22 ) since there might be reasons that they would
know each other. Kevin didn't know him, but of
course he called me to catch me up on his recent engagement and that his fiancé moved in with him. Since she was away for the weekend, he asked me if
I’d like him to come over but I would need to understand that it would be “no
strings attached.” I couldn’t
believe what I was hearing. He
told me he is so in love with his fiancé and they will be married within a few
months so now is our chance. I did
not let that happen. We hung up
and he proceeds to send me inappropriate texts of what he would like to come
over and do. The next morning he
sends me a good morning text with this picture:
 |
| Actual size |
I could not believe my eyes. I asked him to send me proof that this was him and he
did. I called him and asked him
WTF he was doing? What would his
fiancé say? He said "if she knew,
she would call everything off." I
couldn’t believe what he was putting into text messages – I could be psycho and
print the whole thing and send it to her.
Again, my narcissist believes that it is only me he is doing this with
(as he claims)…but…yeah…right. He
also said that it is a “look but don’t touch thing” before he gets
married. So, I told him “if that
is there arrangement, he should come over and we could strip for each other but
no touching allowed.” He asked me
to delete the text and please not show it to anyone. I agreed ;)
Pig, Pig, Pig!
